Monuments To Ourselves

King Saul of Israel was one impressive dude. He came from one of the best of families and possessed the best of looks. Considered the most handsome man in Israel, his good looks were impressively accentuated by his tall stature. 1 Samuel 9:2 says Saul stood head and shoulders above everyone else. When you took-in Saul, you looked up, and his appearance didn't disappoint.

Had there been an Israelite Idol television show, Saul would have been the hands- down winner. When the people demanded a king, there was therefore little surprise that it was Saul that the prophet Samuel anointed. It was as if this gifted and skilled military victor was destined for that role. He was "The Man".

When we read about King Saul in 1 Samuel 14, he has his priorities strait. After some early successes as Israel's leader, Saul does the right thing: He builds an altar to God (1 Samuel 14:35). Saul knew who was responsible for his achievements - God alone.

Saul soon neglected the Source of his success however.

Twenty-eight short verses later, in 15:12, King Saul built a second monument. This monument wasn't a monument to God, but a monument to .....well .... Saul. Success can cause us to build personal monuments - perhaps just in our minds, but monuments nonetheless. Saul got caught-up with himself, his great victories and the hero worship of those around him. His personal dependence on God was replaced by his personal pride. He went from building monuments to God to erecting monuments to himself.

Sadly, Saul's success dropped like a rock from that moment forward. His genius lost its luster. His popularity suffered. His emotions got out of control and his reign became a total disaster. He lost his blessing, his success and his life as a result of his pride. It all started when the first brick of his monument to himself was put in place.

May we learn from Saul's mistakes.

Now that's the heart of the matter.

People Pleasers

Looking for a sure recipe to failure and frustration? Try being a People Pleaser. It's a dead-end street. These sad folks have an insatiable and habitual desire to try to please everyone --an impossible quest. They eventually become approval addicts who may even try to become someone other than who they really are in order to please others. They obsess with seeking approval, which in turn compromises their convictions and leaves them with unhealthy boundaries. The ultimate outcome for people pleasers is misery.

The Pulitzer Prize winner, Henry Bayard Swope said, " I cannot give you a formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: Try to please everybody."

The root cause of people pleasing and approval addiction is a misplaced effort to satisfy deep needs. Everyone is created with 3 God-given needs - the needs for love, for significance and for security. All of us have those needs. Guess what? People can't meet those needs; only God can:

"God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus."
(Philippians 4:19)

So how to move from being a people pleaser? First admit the truth to yourself and significant others. Second accept personal responsibility for your happiness and peace - Don't let your happiness be dependent on others' happiness. Third, stop focusing on what the other person is doing and focus on what you are doing, (that can be a little scary-- especially the first time). Fourth move to emotionally safe relationships. Finally and most importantly, get your approval priorities straight:

" Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?
Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to
please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."
(Galatians 1:10)

May we all care less and less about what people think, and more and more about what God thinks.

Now that's the heart of the matter.

Old Fashioned Narcissism

In recent years the word "narcissism" has increasingly woven itself into our everyday discussions. Everywhere we turn we can hear or read of a self centered person being referred to as a Narcissus. But we stretch in overuse of that word. Until recently narcissism was a psychological term used to describe a person diagnosed with a serious disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. These dysfunctional folks make others around them pretty miserable because of their excessive sense of self importance, fantasies of unlimited success, personal grandiosity, lack of empathy or sympathy and obsession with themselves. They can pretty much suck the oxygen from the room by their obsessive sense of entitlement and personal arrogance. With them it truly is "All about me".

You might remember the original Narcissus, who was a son of a god in ancient Greek mythology. He was a strikingly handsome youth who really got caught-up in his own beauty. Girls adored him, but he paid no attention to them; (he was far too smitten by himself). The legend says he fell deeply in love with his own reflection in a pool, and he became so obsessed with his image, he couldn't move from staring into the pool.

Whether we admit it or not, we are born with a self love that firmly places us at the center of our universe. We perhaps don't become as shackled with our self love as Narcissus, but we are born with some narcissism. Our fallen nature can cause us to interpret everything through ourselves. Erwin Lutzer says, "Our narcissistic natures say, If you show yourself to be better than I am, I will sustain narcissistic injury and will consider you an enemy. I will be jealous of you. I will resent you."

Following Christ moves us from our self obsession. One of the remarkable byproducts of the Christian journey is that the Holy Spirit gradually distances us from preoccupation with me, my and mine. The purpose of the cross was to repair the irreparable. That includes our narcissism. That dreadful part of the human condition fades more and more as we walk with Jesus.

Now that's the heart of the matter.